Friday, September 30, 2005

Review

Bikini scenes keep 'Into the Blue' from sinking

By Tom Long / Detroit News Film Critic

MGM Paul Walker and Jessica Alba in "Into the Blue" 'Into the Blue' GRADE: C- Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action violence, drug material, some sexual content and language Running time: 110 minutes See it, rate it Movie Finder: Select theater and showtime Movie Talk: Grade the movie, add your own review, see what others think Comment on this story Send this story to a friend Get Home Delivery

There is really only one question worth asking about "Into the Blue," the new scuba-diving, treasure-hunting, lotsa-fish action-adventure film starring Paul Walker and Jessica Alba. How does Jessica Alba look in a bikini?

Let's be blunt: She looks good. Ridiculously good. We're talking kings giving away kingdoms good, armies willing to sacrifice themselves en masse good. Birth of religious cults good, confirmation that Darwin was right good.

Bikini, thy name is Alba.

Oh, the movie? The movie is pretty much big, dumb and awful. Which is why the bikini thing is so important. It would be important even if there weren't a movie wrapped around it, but with a script this bad you really have to find something positive to focus on.

OK, masochists, if you must know, the movie is indeed about treasure hunting. And dope smuggling. And shark attacks. There are many exciting underwater sequences and people hold their breaths for very long times. Bullets are eventually fired. Yawn.

Walker ("The Fast and the Furious"), whose acting style makes Keanu Reeves seem like Marlon Brando, plays a professional beach-bum type who wishes he had a nice boat and all the fancy equipment needed to hunt treasure in his Caribbean neighborhood. Miraculously, a well-off lawyer buddy of his (Scott Caan) comes visiting, and they just happen to stumble upon, within yards of one another at the bottom of the ocean floor, a legendary ship filled with treasure and a dope smuggler's airplane filled with cocaine.

Then bad guys come and blah-blah-blah.

Walker is thoroughly uninteresting and the convoluted script by Matt Johnson (who also penned "Torque," the most delightfully bad movie of the decade so far) never makes it to so bad it's good, stalling instead at so-bad it's bad.

You can reach Tom Long at (313) 222-8879 or tlong@detnews.com.