Thursday, November 3, 2005

DVD review

R. Kelly's latest 'Closet' is cluttered mess

The artist's hip-hopera transforms into a satirical adventure as storylines thicken.

By Adam Graham / The Detroit News

'Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12' GRADE: C- Comment on this story Send this story to a friend Get Home Delivery

Oh, what a tangled web Kells weaves.

R. Kelly's bizarre vocal soap opera "Trapped in the Closet," whose twist-and-turn-filled first five chapters helped propel his "TP.3 Reloaded" album to a No. 1 debut on Billboard's albums chart in July, continues with this week's DVD release of "Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12." But where the first five chapters of this epic saga of infidelity -- previously released as a DVD accompaniment to "TP.3" -- were relatively taut, if somewhat silly by the end, the previously unreleased seven music videos that round out the new DVD push this once-intriguing hip-hopera into full-blown parody.

"Trapped in the Closet," each chapter of which unfolds over the same instrumental track (inexplicably accentuated by the sound of a dripping faucet), begins with a love triangle between Kelly's character, Sylvester, the woman he met the night before in a club and her husband, Rufus. (Rufus finds Sylvester hiding in the closet in his apartment, hence the title.) Rufus later reveals he's in a relationship with a man named Chuck (another closet reference, wink wink), and Sylvester finds out his wife, Gwendolyn, is cheating on him with a cigarette-smoking police officer.

Confused yet? That's only the beginning.

New characters introduced in Chapters 6-12 include Gwendolyn's brother Twan, briefly referred to in Chapter 4; Gwendolyn's spatula-swinging "nosy neighbor" Rosie; the cop's wife, Bridget, who's allergic to cherries; and "Big Man," whose arrival is where the saga derails into pure camp.

"Now pause the movie because what I'm about to say to y'all is so damn twisted," Kells' narrator croons at the close of Chapter 9, as the cop searches his kitchen for the whereabouts of his wife's lover. "Not only is there a man in this cabinet, but the man is a midget ... midget ... midget," he sings, echo trailing off.

For as over-the-top and cheesily acted as it all is, the ridiculousness is multiplied by the DVD's "Kells' Commentary Remix," which isn't a remix at all, but an infinitely self-satisfied video commentary track by Kelly.

On it, a delusional Kelly -- constantly lighting and relighting his cigar -- calls even the most minor plot developments in the story "cliffhangers," and continuously refers to his character, Sylvester, in the first person.

He even marvels at his own ability to rhyme words, gloating "I'm rhyming all the way through this thing, and it's just amazing to me because I don't even know how that came about."

Um, you rhymed "twisted" with "midget." Want a cookie?

Frighteningly, it's not over yet. Throughout the DVD -- which boasts the production values of a high school play -- Kelly says to be on the lookout for even more chapters, and he recently told reporters he's scripted the story through Chapter 22.

(The "Chapter" Kelly unforgettably performed at MTV's Video Music Awards in August -- which ended with Rufus going back to his wife -- only appears on the DVD in part.)

"Just don't forget about Tina and Roxanne," Kelly warns during the DVD's closing credits, referring to characters not mentioned since Chapter 5.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You can reach Adam Graham at (313) 222-2284 or at agraham @detnews.com.