Looking for signs of sexual abuse
With the "Safety Bear" program, Rosemary Spatafora instructs Sterling Heights students about proper and improper touches.
Talking about it
Have you found it easy to talk to your children about potential sexual abuse? Tell us why.
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Physical signs of sexual abuse may not be obvious. Hints of possible abuse may include:
Inappropriate interest or knowledge of sexual acts or avoidance of all things sexual in nature
Nightmares, sleep problems or bed-wetting
Fear of a particular person
A sudden reluctance or refusal to go to school
Extreme secretiveness
Increased aggressiveness
Behavioral problems
Drawing sexual parts of bodies
Withdrawal from friendships and family
Physical signs may include injury, bruising, redness or discomfort around the genitals, anus or mouth; difficulty or discomfort in sitting, walking or going to the bathroom; bloodstained clothing or discharge.
How to talk to kids about sexual abuse
Teach your child about safe and unsafe touches and behaviors. Teach your kids that unsafe touches don't necessarily hurt.
Kids need to know that strangers aren't the only people who can abuse them.
Tell your child to come to you if someone touches his or her private parts or makes him or her feel uncomfortable. Tell him it's not his or her fault if that should happen.
Speak to your children about using the proper names for their body parts. Informed children are better able to report abuse to you.
Let your children know that respect for elders doesn't extend to an adult who has made them feel uncomfortable. It's OK to say no and leave the situation.
Trust your own instincts. Be wary of adults who want to spend time alone with your child or adults who are overly affectionate or generous with gifts to your child.
Where to get help and information
Michigan Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence,
(517) 347-7000 www.mcadsv.org
Michigan Crime Victim Services Commission,(517) 373-7373
National Sexual Violence Resource Center, (877) 739-3895
Stop Educator Sexual Abuse, Misconduct & Exploitation (SESAME), (702) 371-1290, www.sesamenet.org
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, (800) 656-HOPE (4673)
National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information, (800) 394-3366,
How to spot a potential abuser
Any employee, or even volunteers, might molest.
Educator sexual predators are often well-liked and considered excellent teachers.
Sexual predators often target special education students or other vulnerable youths.
Adults who have access to students before or after school or in private situations are more likely to sexually abuse students than those who don't.
Behaviors of adults who molest include having close personal relationships with students, spending time alone with them, flirtatious behavior .
Rumors are an important source of information on educator sexual misconduct.
What to do if your child reports sexual abuse to you
Be patient: This is a difficult issue for your child to share with you.
Let your child tell you about the abuse in his or her own words. Don't interrogate. Listen to what your child is telling you, and believe him or her.
Tell your child you are proud he or she had the courage to speak up.
Let your child know you'll do everything you can to keep him or her safe from now on.
Don't make any promises you may not be able to keep.
Let your child see your distress, but be careful how you express your anguish -- you don't want to worry your child.
When you have a free moment alone, write down everything your child has told you -- use your child's words whenever possible, and avoid interpreting what your child has said.
Sources: Rape Abuse and Incest National Network, Charol Shakeshaft, "When a Child or Youth is Sexually Abused" and Detroit News research
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