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Mike Hart was full speed ahead, leaving Michigan State behind.Gasp! U-M cooped up MSU
Smith unwittingly played the part of John Cooper, who had no clue vs. Wolverines.
David Underwood, left, hoists the Little Brown Jug with assistance from teammate Larry Harrison. Do flowers grow in that thing?
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Slowly, predictably, as clear as the rings around Beano Cook's neck, college football's Old World Order returns. Oh, the signs are everywhere, even around here.
As you might know, Michigan stopped playing patty-cake and put a slight crimp in Michigan State's national-title hopes by somehow not losing by 30-40 points last weekend. For all the hype from media dopes, who shall remain nameless but whose last name rhymes with "Blownowski," the only people who should have been surprised by U-M's victory are those just awakening from a three-decades-long blackout.
WWWLLoyd Carr did what he always does in times of strife. He set his jaw, adjusted his glasses and handed the ball to his best player 117 times.
Meanwhile, MSU coach John WWWWL. Smith took a giant step toward becoming John L. Cooper, in honor of the legendary Ohio State coach who was loose every week except Michigan week, when his collar got so tight, his eyes bugged out. I'm not saying Smith and the Spartans were nervous. I'm just saying their most effective play was that 74-yard run by shifty 320-pounder Domata Peko after he picked up a fumble, er, incompletion, um, fumble.
The Spartans were so crushed by their fourth straight loss to U-M, they took this week off. Smith-Cooper reportedly spent his free time scouting the soccer fields of East Lansing, asking about kickers.
Now the attention returns to the Old World Powers, which is what makes college football so great, and numbingly repetitive. You could spend half a century as a missionary in Mozambique and return to find pretty much all the traditional programs somewhere in the Top 25. You'd also find Bobby Bowden still on the sideline, talking into his toy headset that isn't plugged in.
I mean, just look around. USC and Texas are so good, I'm fairly certain they could beat the Lions without the help of a criminal botch job by the NFL's instant-replay doofuses.
Alabama is back, undefeated and legitimately good without even breaking NCAA rules this time (as far as we know). Nebraska is back, undefeated but not remotely good, near as I can tell.
Penn State is back, undefeated and maybe sort of good, with a showdown against Ohio State this Saturday night. Joe Paterno is so excited about the game, he said he plans to stay up and watch all the way to the end.
Notre Dame is back, at least for one more week, until it loses to USC, 63-9.
And, of course, Michigan is staggering back, even though, according to respected math experts, its 3-2 record is still not considered as good as MSU's 4-1. Nevertheless, in honor of U-M's Mike Hart, I'll recap the Wolverines' "shocking" upset in the way most of us cliché-mongering newspaper types described it:
EAST LANSING -- Displaying incredible Hart, Michigan left Michigan State Hart-broken and Hart-sick with a Hart-stopping 34-31 overtime victory. The Wolverines, no longer Hart-less, finally stopped playing like Sweet-Harts tugging on our Hart-strings. Afterward, Lloyd Carr celebrated by watching reruns of his favorite TV show, "Hart to Hart."
Now that's some proud prose right there. But it's time to move on because the Wolverines have a major test (not really) this Saturday. It's the annual exercise against Minnesota, in which the Gophers always look like they might win for the first time since 1986, but then, in an amazing twist, don't.
Not to stereotype, but Minnesota generally comes in with a good running back, a record (4-1) bloated by nonconference, high-carb snack treats and the psyche of a team that knows if it manages to build a 49-7 fourth-quarter lead, it will lose 50-49.
Still, this can be a difficult week for the Wolverines, who always spend most of their time trying to remember where they put the revered Little Brown Jug. Contrary to reports published in this column a few years ago, the trophy has never been used as a bathroom spittoon or a pencil-holder. I cannot confirm or deny that it has been used as a flower pot (geraniums, mostly).
The Wolverines should be fine, as long as they keep playing -- one more time, with feeling -- with their Hart on their sleeves. Pick: U-M, 34-17
Ohio State (3-1) at Penn State (5-0) -- Who says Paterno isn't still vibrant? After inspecting the NCAA rule book, he learned freshmen are indeed eligible, so he started using his best ones. Maybe he just got sick of hearing people gripe about the (Nittany) Lions' conservative offense (hint, hint). Pick: Penn State, 23-20
Iowa (3-2) at Purdue (2-2) -- In a stirring halftime ceremony, commissioner Jim Delany is expected to officially transfer the Big Ten's fraud designation from Wisconsin to Purdue. Minnesota is expected to protest. Pick: Iowa, 27-23
Pigskin picks You can reach Bob Wojnowski at bob.wojnowski@detnews.com.
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