Bob Wojnowski

With MSU on tap, Iowa football fans in no joking mood

It's a big game under the lights, as big as we've seen in East Lansing in quite a while. I can tell by looking at the standings, which inexplicably have Iowa (7-0, 3-0 Big Ten) in first, just ahead of Michigan State (4-3, 3-1).

The other way I can tell is by the volume of snappy messages with LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS and !!!!!s from perky Iowans, who apparently aren't happy I suggested Iowa is the worst 7-0 team in Big Ten history. They thought I was disparaging their Hawkeyes, which just isn't true. I was giving them credit for somehow winning all their games despite being severely limited.

Obviously, I wasn't being fair, which is part of my job. I admit there aren't many teams in America that could shut down Northern Iowa 17-16 and Arkansas State 24-21. (There also aren't many teams that could win by double digits at Penn State and Wisconsin, but let's not quibble.)

Michigan marched into Iowa City and almost won and I think Michigan State has a great chance to almost win too, or even better. But do I respect what the Hawkeyes have overcome? Of course I do, especially after sifting through these uplifting emails:

"I assume you sleep under one of the many bridges or burned-out dumps that blanket the city of Detroit. Stop doing drugs with all the crack heads and wake up. After the Hawkeyes beat Sparty, I hope you admit you were wrong. But being just another gutless writer with a sharp pen, I doubt it."

Uh, double-check my photo. Clearly, I am not gutless. And please, it's so cheap making tired generalizations about an area and its people. Think about that, while tending your pigs.

"I don't know about you Bob, but I'd rather be the worst 7-0 team in the history of the Big Ten than a mediocre 4-3 team. Here's to hoping we become the worst 8-0 team in Big Ten history, while the mighty Spartans are sitting at .500 just praying they can be invited to the Motor City Bowl."

News travels slowly to Iowa, huh? It's now the Little Caesars Pizza Pizza Bowl, and we'd still be happy to have you, if you ever decide to stop squeaking by.

"Bobby, I can understand your jealousy of Iowa. After all, the entire state of Michigan is bankrupt. Your (sic) just a bitter, jealous failed man. By the way, my Lexus runs great!"

Wow. I had no idea Lexus made tractors.

"I can't imagine you've even watched an Iowa football game in your lifetime. Nice journalism, you blob."

Hey, blobs are people too, you know.

"Congrats on living in Detroit and still having a job, even if it does pay 18K/year. It probably goes a long way in that hellhole."

Boy, nothing funnier than economic strife jokes. Clever. And not to get all boastful, but 18K barely covers my snacking expenses.

"Nice article! I could almost see the grease from your 10th kielbasa. You need to worry less about slamming Iowa and more about carb intake."

Honestly, I can't help myself. I've always wanted to look like an Iowa offensive lineman.

"Here's an invite for you: I'll be tailgating at the game, and I'll be the one wearing gold & black bib overalls and the straw hat with the corn cob pipe. We'll cook up some deep-fried pork sandwiches, and maybe some possum just for you. Then we can all watch the Hawkeyes kick the (stuff) out of Sparty on the road to Pasadena."

I appreciate the invitation. But I hear you Hawkeyes are better at playin' possum than cookin' possum.

"Wojo, love your columns, regardless of what the 300-pound hog callers in Iowa think."

Thank you kindly, but can't we all play nice? I mean, who started this mess?

"The story you wrote is absolutely the biggest bunch of garbage I have ever read. How pathetic. You, sir, are an embarrassment to sports journalism."

Buddy, if you think that qualified as the biggest bunch of garbage, you haven't read me long enough.

Ah, we always love the passion of college football. Enjoy the game everyone! May the least-blemished team prevail!

bob.wojnowski@detnews.com